Some things are meant to be...?

Last night I had another one of those almost "too real" dreams - the kind where everything seems real to the point where you "know" it was more than just a dream, even though all logic and reason tell you that dreams are just dreams.

Remember this post? I was there again. I don't remember how I got there this time, I just remember being there. It was beautiful, and I was surrounded by vivid colors and beauty beyond all imagination. Jill was there. She had that same glow about her, an almost luminous, angelic quality. I asked her why she brought me to this place again.

With a knowing look in her eyes, she replied, "Because you need to see," and she motioned toward the window. It was the same window I wrote about in the post linked above. As I looked through the window an image of Victoria materialized. She was sitting in a circle with a group of other children around the same age. They were all laughing and appeared to be playing some kind of game.

"Where is she?" I asked.

"She's home," Jill replied. "Because she died in her sleep, she doesn't know yet. She's still dreaming, and she's constructed a world that looks just like home to her. She'll stay there until she's ready."

I paused a moment to process what she had said. It was clear to me that Jill knew things I didn't, so I started to ask her the question that's been on my mind more than any other. But before I could get the words out, she knew what I was going to ask.

"Why did--"

"There was no other way," Jill replied before I could finish. Her eyes were filled with compassion, and she clearly had an understanding of things far beyond what I could comprehend. "I know you can't understand that now, and I can't explain it, but you have to trust me. There was no other way."

I shook my head. She knew I wasn't satisfied with that answer. Then she looked directly into my eyes and said, "Jeff, it's me. I know you trust me, you always have, and you have to trust me now. There was no other way. Through Katie, you will understand. Her future will guide you to the answers you need."

I didn't know what she meant by that. She could tell I was confused, but she seemed unable to explain further.

"Trust," she said. "Don't fight it. Some things are meant to be."

And with that, the magical place dissolved around me and I woke up.

I remember it all so clearly. The conversation above is word-for-word as I remember it. It's strange to remember a dream so vividly, and to have such a coherent picture throughout all of it. Most dreams are more abstract, and any dialog that takes place is usually jumbled and disjointed. This was different. It felt so real; it felt like I was there; the face I saw was Jill - not a memory of her, not a vague representation of her - it was Jill.

"Through Katie, you will understand. Her future will guide you to the answers you need." What did she mean by that? What does Katie have to do with any of this? In some ways that thought terrifies me a little bit. But at the same time, I realize that Katie has been my guiding light all along, and I've always felt that she was somehow a part of the connection I still seem to have with Jill.

I do trust Jill, and I always have. She always knew me better than I knew myself, and she always had a way of making me see when I was blinded by logic and reason. And she never gave me the answers, she would always just gently nudge me in the right direction until I found the answers on my own. This feels so much like the Jill I knew - the way she spoke, the way she looked, the way she tried to make me "see" when my mind refused to accept what was in front of me...it felt so real.


Was it just a dream? My science-geek brain still insists that it was. But my heart? My heart so desperately wants to believe it was more than that.